Favorite Fark one-liners

[Mephisto_kur]

It doesn't have to be FARK, but I want to see your favorite FARK style one-liners or headlines.

Today I spotted:
Giant jellyfish caught off the coast of Japan. Peanut-butter fish still being sought

Lawsuits begin in NY ferry crash. Gee, just like the captain and the pier, we didn't see that coming

Traces of Prozac found in creek. When asked, local fish population says, "It's all good"

Man finds dead dolphin in driveway. Authorities believe it was put there on porpoise

[Stingr]

This was a long time ago so I don't know if I remember it right but it went something like this:

Poland builds air force.  France surrenders.

[KillJoy]

Hehe, that's pretty good.  When my 4-year-old got a cap gun, France also surrendered.
During the buildup to the most recent Iraqi war, I heard someone say "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
I don't mean to offend any one.  I really have nothing against the French (except that they're unbathed, American-hating, culturally self-righteous, pouty-lipped pastry nibblers).  They're just such an easy comedic target.

[Mephisto_kur]

You know urine trouble when you pee on an ant hill

Scientists find stressed-out sheep bleat out their anguish. Worried farmers declare, "Don't believe a word those sheep say"

[Mephisto_kur]

Early trial of breast cancer vaccine has been successful. Farkers desperately look for a new subject to complain about

[Mephisto_kur]

Butt Hole Road. Tee hee

[Mephisto_kur]

Some good ones today!

Amber Alert canceled after girl found safe at school. Initial reports said the abductor was driving a large yellow vehicle with multiple seats

Scientists have discovered a gene that encourages people to overeat, it's called the Classic Triple with Cheeseburger

Group of youths celebrate Halloween by having sex in cemetery. Officials say they made a grave mistake

AAP recommends parents avoid using ipecac syrup in case of child poisoning. Finger down the throat or playing Clay Aiken CD still acceptable

Study says children can get useful sex education by watching TV shows like "Friends." If by 'useful' you mean couples that change partners like socks and live with a monkey

[Mephisto_kur]

Hot chicks make men dumb. In other news, eating food makes you poop

[Mephisto_kur]

New EU rules would require wild game to have a health certificate before it can be hunted. Hello McFly, animals don't have pockets, where will they carry the paperwork?

[Mephisto_kur]

Snow and ice fall in Georgia. Milk and bread suppliers give each other high fives, light cigars with $100 bills

RealNetworks seeks $1 billion from Microsoft in antitrust suit, claiming monopolistic practices caused loss of business. Has nothing to do with buffering... buffering...

Pepsi tests show soda bottle didn't contain Pine Sol, also confirms Code Red tastes like ass

[thrawn]

might as well post it again...

Hair dye gives you cancer. No cure for grayness... except cancer.

[Mephisto_kur]

KFC abandons chicken in Vietnam due to bird flu, turns to fish as alternative. Confused Jessica Simpson unavailable for comment

Tom Cruise annoying Kidman with text messages. "Nic u R a poopie head. LOL"

[Mephisto_kur]

Russian doctors grow new penis on man’s arm. Still no cure for cancer, but somehow I feel good about it anyway

[Mephisto_kur]

Ad opposing online music piracy to debut on Grammy award show. To be aired after outrageously rich musician credits God with success of his song about bangin' hos

[Mephisto_kur]

British invention allows sender to flag email with a scent, idea will fail when people realize what penis enlargement smells like