funny momments in life

[Smack]

not so long ago... in a local retail store....

a manager gets a huddle of a few employees together for a pep talk on a busy day...
"make sure you are giving every customer great service", he says.
employee#1 : "how do we know when we have given customers enough service?"
manager : "when you're picking curly hairs out of your teeth".

[Smack]

I had to climb into the compactor to jump up and down on the cardboard boxes that got jammed in there.
I had to put my hands on the walls in the cramped metal tunnel to maintain balance. One side had wet, black ink all
over it and of course I didn't know this, and came out with a black-inked hand. One of the managers walked up to me,
and noticed the black ink all over my hand and said, "Did you just beat off a squid or something?..." 

[Smack]

A co-worker was eating Vienna Sausages in the breakroom, a manager says, "Don't you feel like a priest eating those?" bleh...

Another co-worker likes to bring her ceramic stuff to paint during her lunch... she has very shaky hands, so they aren't painted very well.
She gets up and leaves for a few... one of the other co-workers says, "Hey we could make money on those.... maybe start a new website,
'parkinson's-art.com'... if Monet can do it...."

[Draconiko]

On a road trip back to MD from TN my dad, brother and i stopped at this gas station.  I had to go to the bathroom so i made my way to the back, said hi to a lady waiting outside, went through the door, and my initial thought was "huh? no urinals? eh w/e" so i went to the last stall and did my business.  When i finished i noticed a trash can and said to myself 'wtf is a trashcan doing in here?"  looked in and saw a tampon wrapper and was immediately overcome with a feeling of stupidity.  I waited in the back stall and when the coast was clear made my way out.  Walked out and just tried to play it off as the woman, still standing out there, stared at me.  Told my dad and brother and we had a good laugh about it.

[Smack]

you shoulda peed sitting down just in case. 

[Smack]

My friend and I were talking about porn one day.
He says, "You know you watch too much porn... when you are pumping gas... and you instinctively pull the nozzle out
and spray the side of the car when you are done..."

At work we alternate music in the mornings (5 am shifts) two of us bring our ipods and hook the up to the speakers (alternating days).
Another manager never really makes playlists, its usually on the "infinite korn" setting or some random album...
Keep in mind we are used to hearing Metal or at the very least hard rock..

The whole "Daughtry" (American idol guy?) album was playing... The other manager was making fun of the other manager for it. I hear, "What is THIS shit?
This sounds like that crap they play in Supercuts... Ima have my period soon if I hear anymore of this shit, etc."
After he stopped laughing he put it back on some metal.

[Smack]

I forgot about this one.

My friend Robodon actually walked in on an employee chewing her toenails in the breakroom at work.
This is the same employee mentioned in the "ceramic figure painting" story. It is said that there are some things that
you can't "unsee".

So, if you ever play online with my friend and he asks you are doing, make sure you say "I'm chewing my toenails".